Tenho medo.
É tudo o que posso dizer: hoje de manhã saíste da cama e foste para o sofá com o secador, quando te perguntei o que se tinha passado disseste que tinhas frio.
Passado um bocado voltei e disse que te podias encostar a mim, que tinhas mais mantas e não precisavas gastar electricidade.
" O secador faz-me sentir melhor. Posso tentar sentir-me melhor???"
E eu? Posso tentar sentir-me melhor?
(Eu sei que as minhas tentativas de te fazer reviver não foram as melhores, eu sei que as minhas mágoas te deixaram mais confuso, e sei que errei nisso, pensei que conseguia sei lá, fazer-te sair desse torpor se te espicaçasse, se te dissesse que me poderias perder se não mudasses, eram tudo mentiras. Nunca te deixaria, no calor do momento pensei que sim mas na realidade sei agora que não o faria nem que a minha vida estivesse em risco.)
Volta para mim.
No sítio onde tu estás eu não te posso seguir, no máximo posso voltar a sentir-me vazia e à beira do precipício, eu tentei, eu continuo a tentar.. A mal ou a bem, por nós. Pelo nosso suposto amor.
Mas tudo se vem desvanecendo.
Incluindo eu.
E tu continuas a afastar-me, como se eu te traísse ao querer que fiques melhor.
Acho que já nem dás conta da forma como dizes as coisas...
Como facas, atiradas à minha cara, que sinto no coração.
Depressão não é para ser tomado de forma ligeira, eu sei.. E eu tento. Todos os dias eu tento...
Mas, amor... Não podes tu tentar também?
Chora tudo o que tens a chorar.
E depois lembra-te que tens gente à tua volta sempre disposta a fazer tudo para te ver feliz, lembra-te que tudo vai correr bem.
E volta para mim..
Antes que nos tornemos os dois uns farrapos, fantasmas do que realmente somos.
You are both to emerged in your emotions. You are tied in a whirlwind of emotions where you cannot leave and you just get deeper and more fragile as you move on.
ResponderEliminarYou need to step back and watch over the relation from a third person perspective. Sometimes couples argue about stupid little things. You need to learn to pick your battles or else you'll be tired all the time and you won't be able to go on much longer.
Again, I'm not expecting you to listen. You'll have to go through all this and learn by your own experiences. I have been there in the past and I know what it is.
I know.. relationships are not easy.. Life itself is not easy.. right now life's getting easier.. He's got new meds and he's really trying..
ResponderEliminarAs for me I'm trying not to be so bitchy lolol..
I know... I'm a dumbass and someday I'll wake up and think: This is not what I want for me and I can't do this ooooor we'll just find a way to work it out..
In the meantime we try and try again :)
Yes, we're both too emerged in our emotions, we're both a bit on the depressive side.. I won't say it's easy or pretend that I've overcome all my demons but I can say that depression has its phases and I'm clearly on a way more advanced level than he is.. So, if I trully love him.. And I do. I'll do my best to make this work...
I've taken my decision, from here the only way is up!
I feel bad for saying that you should move on. I was only being honest and telling you what I think you should do but I shouldn't give you an advice like that. I always try to racionalize emotions but the truth is that Love is irracional so... just follow your heart and hope for the best. Even if you fail, you will learn a ton during it. I truly wish you the best of luck.
ResponderEliminarFor some reason sometimes I have trouble in putting comments here so I'll copy/paste a comment that was ment for another post here it seams I'm not able to put it there:
ResponderEliminar"Savage Garden is one of my favorite bands from the past when I was younger and use to listen to pop music. I have long since departed from that music style. Nowadays I also listen to metal and a little of punk. My favorite styles are melodic, symphonic and power metal but I also like to taste a little of more extreme styles like black, death or viking, I like good metal music in general. I love Wintersun as much as I love Gamma Ray for example.
I know you will always be the one making your own decisions. Actually, I DEMAND that you do! My only purpose is to make you feel that someone cares and is willing to listen and give you helpful words but in the end it's all up to you. Nothing else."